I’m sure you’ve heard it before – “Men and women are wired differently”. What a man thinks, wants and needs can be very different from what a woman may think, want or need. Almost 25 years ago John Gray published his now famous book “Men Are from Mars, Woman Are from Venus” to help men and women better understand each other in relationships. And the reason the book was even necessary (and as a result so popular) is because God has made the sexes unique BEYOND the obvious physical differences. At the same time, we live in a society that tries to deny that those differences do exist, it can get very confusing.
It’s an interesting thing to me that we now live in a country where stores are no longer labeling toys for boys or girls, because somehow that implies that a girl can’t have a boys toy or a boy can’t have a girls toy. Do you know why they separated them into a boys and girls section? It’s because that’s what the kids want to play with. Little girls WANT to play with dolls, boys WANT to play with toy trucks and toy guns. Before you start yelling at me – yes, I know there are exceptions and I KNOW life isn’t black and white, but there is a reason for these differences. Ironically the people who will march and scream and picket and protest a store for NOT being gender neutral with their children’s toys have never once nor would even consider it for anything an adult might be interested in. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of women marching in front of a Bass Pro Shop store or any “outdoor sporting” shop yelling “Make it pink! Make it pink! Make it pink!” You know why? Because women (again, most women) don’t consider sitting in a boat fishing for half a day with a man who doesn’t “feel” like talking a great day. Nor do most women look forward to the next great hunting adventure (and I’ll just say right now I DO know women who hunt deer, and shoot not just with rifles but also crossbows – they’re genuine bad-asses you don’t want to mess with but at the same time they can ballet dance rings around you ever so beautifully.)
Now that I’ve poked a little fun at the PC crowd, let me turn the table around 180 degrees. If you agree than men and women (boys and girls) just think differently (and if you’re married you KNOW this is true), then what part of them exactly makes them think differently? Men have for decades been accused of thinking with their private parts and we now have a presidential election where some women can be said to be voting solely on the basis of their private parts. Joking aside there is no genuine thinking going on in ANYONE’S private parts – can it be the hormones? Well, granted a woman’s patience can change from time to time, but even after menopause when her hormone levels change, a woman still thinks the same way. Now let me add some information based on being transgender and going from full on male hormone level to a more (appropriate I’ll just add) female hormone level. One thing changed that I’ve noticed – I seem to cry more easily. But that may be just because I’m allowed to (and I allow myself to.) I remember after my last high-school band concert in my senior year, I was the featured player on a song written for Doc Severinsen – the great trumpet player and leader of “The Tonight Show” band. I went in front of the jazz band, had two music stands side-by-side because the music score had many pages – and for that entire song, I was the star. After the concert and after my instruments were put away I met up with my family, my dad came over and shook my hand, he was so proud. I guess I didn’t squeeze his hand in a “manly” enough manner and he said with a smile “don’t give me that fishy squishy handshake, give me a REAL handshake” (handshakes were as good as it would get, we weren’t a “hugging” family.) I tell you that to say that boys crying (and there were three boys and no girls in my family) just wasn’t something that happened. I certainly NEVER had seen my father cry and can’t even say I saw my mother cry. So my being able to cry so easily may just be the result of UN-learning what I learned growing up and may not even be hormone related. So EVEN if hormones may make women more emotional (I’m not sure that’s even the reason), you can’t deny that women just think differently than men – period. And men think differently than women – period.
There are studies out there that say you can “rewire” your brain, but they are taking about habits, not WHO you are. So what is it? It’s not biology. Women don’t think with their breasts and men don’t think with their….well, you know. Hormones? I’ll concede the POSSIBILITY that they might play a small part in certain areas, but there’s much more going on that hormones can’t explain. What drives people crazy and frankly is hard to fully understand is that it’s just some part of being a man or being a woman that makes us think and feel different than the other sex. Call it whatever you want, our mind, our soul, but we’re different from each other. If you’re NOT transgender and trying to understand it all, then please allow me to offer the possibility that in spite of having a biological body that screams male or female, that somehow, something gets scrambled in the process of forming the baby and when that baby is old enough to have thoughts about their own gender identity, they begin to understand that the PERSON, that part of them without any body whatsoever, their being, their soul is not that of the body they’re attached to. They have a male body but they KNOW they’re a female, or their female and they just KNOW they’re a male. This is stuff we can’t see. We can’t do a DNA test to see this. Chromosomes define physiology but there is something beyond that that gives us our unique personalities. Parents see the unique personalities in each of their children – there’s no DNA test for a “happy” child or a “belligerent” child or a “transgender” child. I was a happy child AND a transgender child – where is the test for that? There is an intangible element here that so far no one has been able to chart, diagram or scientifically test for. To Christians who are NOT transgender all I can ask of you is to consider the possibility that yes, it does happen and it’s NOT the fault of the individual. If you can think that MAYBE it’s possible, then you somehow have to find a way within yourself to default to our Lord’s command to love one another. This may not be easy for you, but if it makes you feel better, there are Pastors at this very moment working it out too. They don’t understand it all and their “natural” self may not even be very comfortable with it, but they are working and praying hard on LOVING NOW and work out the rest later. I and others like me are your sisters and brothers in Christ. We LOVE our Lord, we wish to be disciples, we wish to serve and we wish to give. We don’t want to change your children because we know we can’t nor do we want to – they already are who they are. We are NOT the enemy and that SOB (Satan) will do anything to divide us within the body because it brings him joy. I know there are voices out there telling you that you need to change because you have to. I just ask that you consider being willing to change your attitude toward your Christian brothers and sisters who are transgender because you WANT to. That’s the kind of transformation our Savior walked on Earth for. You know the verse, Romans 12:2 “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” The PROOF of the will of God is found in His Word, not based on if you like or dislike something. I don’t like sour cream and yet God allowed it into the world and I have to constantly deal with it in Mexican restaurants. When you can let go of the fact you may not LIKE it but can’t deny that God doesn’t condemn it, then just honestly ask yourself “how can I condemn a Christian who is transgender if God doesn’t.” We all take small steps, maybe this is your first – it’s ok. I promise the ceiling won’t fall down on you – you may even discover a whole new part of love and understanding for others that you never knew you had before. God can do AMAZING things in our lives if we’re willing to let Him.