“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand.”
John 10:27-28 (NIV)

Sometimes I write to give hope to those who are transgender and seeking fellowship among other Christians. Sometimes I write in an attempt to educate those in the evangelical community about how being a Christian and transgender are not mutually exclusive.

This time it’s different, this is written to Christian friends of those who are transgender, who love, privately support, and don’t see an issue with a Christian being transgender–yet won’t speak up when a Christian who is transgender is condemned by others in their own church, or even their pastor.

And yes, I have friends myself who will read this and maybe feel like this is written to them, they wouldn’t be wrong, but this is for all of you, everywhere, who know of or have friends who are Christians and transgender and continue to support churches who treat Christians you personally know as a pariah. Some won’t even bother reading this, since life is simpler if you just ignore these posts (obviously if you’re reading this, I’m not referring to you.)

In John and in other places in the Bible, followers of Jesus are referred to as His sheep, but when it comes to showing support for and speaking out against wrongdoings to a Christian who is transgender, most sheep remain silent, even when it’s another in the flock that’s being harmed.

If you’re transgender, out you go, NOW!

My old pastor just a few weeks ago stood there on the platform and in talking specifically about people who are transgender he said “You are welcome, but we do not approve”. A couple of months ago a friend in Springfield Missouri was told by her pastor that if she returns to the church she will be escorted out immediately. This is a story that is repeated every week at churches all over the world. Does anyone publicly speak up and say “hey, this is wrong”? Does anyone say “I’m not going to support a ministry that would treat a fellow believer in this way”? Sadly, most don’t. They might tell their friend privately that they feel sorry it happened, but they continue to pour their time and money into the very ministry that would treat a friend like rubbish.

Just this week, a pastor of a United Methodist Church had his “license dropped” by the denomination because they learned through a member of his congregation that somehow found a photo of him dressed as a woman and his bishop confronted him. When the pastor told the truth, that he was transgender, planning on transitioning after resigning next June, they didn’t wait until June and removed him immediately. Never mind if he was a good pastor, never mind all the good he has done in the name of the Lord, never mind he hadn’t discussed it in any way with anyone at his church nor spoke of it from the pulpit. If you’re transgender, out you go, NOW!

I have another friend in Mexico who also was a pastor, and had to leave the ministry because she is transgender. She had to give up her church, her wife at the time has left her and taken the kids, she is estranged from her father who is also a pastor, now she’s alone and trying to find a way to get through life.

Getting through life, that’s all someone who is transgender is struggling to do. Forget all the garbage you see on television or read in the news. Those aren’t the people I’m talking about. I’m talking about REAL people, who have already lived a life and being transgender and can’t fake it anymore. When you get to that point, death becomes an inviting door to open because family, friends, and church no longer offer a place of sanctuary.

So, if you have a friend who is a Christian who is also transgender, this is written to you. It’s my hope that you aren’t guilty of these things.

Having theological differences with church leaders is totally okay, in fact, it’s probably pretty healthy. No one should blindly take what is taught in church as “God’s word”. Maybe you’ve been baptized as an adult, but now attend a church that sprinkles water over a baby, that’s fine. Neither you nor the baby is being harmed, and later in life, the baby can decide for himself/herself if being immersed is something they want to do.

But when a Christian is given no choice but to leave because they are transgender, how can you just stand there and let it happen? You’ll post on Facebook about being pro-life, you’ll post your cute Christian memes with the Bible verses and pretty photos, but someone you know is cast out to fend for themselves, you just watch as if it’s someone you don’t even know.

How is a Christian who is transgender supposed to feel when people speaking on behalf of God say “we don’t approve”? Where is that person supposed to go? What happens if that person BELIEVES what the pastor says and in despair takes their own life, believing that God DOESN’T approve?

Don’t you realize that you’re reinforcing both to the pastor and to others around you that how that person was treated is okay? I mean, if no one complains, then everyone must agree, right?

What is it? Are you afraid your own friends might ostracize you for supporting a transgender friend? Are you worried your family might question you? Is keeping your “standing” with others more important than standing for what is right?

So is that your excuse? You don’t want to make waves?

I have a nephew who didn’t know I existed for most of his 30 years until I approached him and his wife–their parents (my brother) never told him about me. Now he has three kids himself and in continuing the tradition of conflict avoidance, they haven’t told the kids about me, because “they might say something to their grandfather (my brother) and cause a commotion”. My nephew and his wife feel that my family is wrong for cutting me out completely, yet they themselves are complicit in it by not speaking up for what they know is right (I don’t think they even read my posts or will see this because they have never so much as liked a post, much less commented on one, if they do maybe they’ll call).

So is that your excuse? You don’t want to make waves? Are you afraid if you speak up you can’t defend your position? If that’s the case, why haven’t you talked to your transgender friend about it? Have you told them it’s difficult for you? Can you tell them why you still go to a church that basically cast them out (or is THAT a position you can’t defend?)

I hope some who are reading this are feeling at least a little guilty. I would hope that maybe at least ONE friend of mine might contact me and at least want to talk about it (maybe how they REALLY feel deep down about me being trans, or why they haven’t been more vocal). I would also hope that MANY who read this would contact their transgender friend and tell them why they support them in spirit but won’t publicly, or why they have issues that they’ve been hesitant to say. We who are transgender and are Christians don’t want to be tolerated, that’s just ultimately cruel and doesn’t lead to meaningful relationships. The best thing a church can say right up front is “you’re not welcome here”, at least then months or years don’t have to be wasted only to find out “we don’t approve”

You shouldn’t be supporting a church that displays stubborn bigotry (look up the word). There’s a reason that my pastors refused to meet with me after several requests. It’s easy to stand in front of thousands and say “we don’t approve” when you don’t have to look the individual in the eye and defend your position.

Who is going to defend Christians who are transgender if you don’t? Who is going to hold pastors accountable for the lives being destroyed if you don’t? While you remain quiet, people around you who might think people like me are going to Hell will say to themselves “see, I’m right. No one is even speaking up in disagreement”.

“But Laurie, I can’t argue Bible with a pastor”

“But Laurie, this isn’t my fight”. That’s true, but when you see a dog is abused many of you are quick to respond and comment on how cruel some people are. Yet when someone is abused emotionally and spiritually, it’s crickets. No words of condemnation of the abuser much less confronting the person, at best a personal and mostly off the record “I’m sorry that happened to you” to the person who has been wronged, and not a peep to the abuser, no one being held responsible. Yet you go back each week to hear more “inspiring words” from that person.

“But Laurie, I can’t argue Bible with a pastor”. This isn’t a Biblical argument, as much as pastors stretch scripture and try to make it be. I’ve written about it and again, would be happy to talk about it if only someone would ask me about it. Have you asked YOUR transgender friend about it? Most of the Christians I know who are transgender have spent a lot of time in the Bible, because they LOVE the Lord and knowing that this isn’t a choice they’ve made have deeply researched this. I can squash Genesis 1:27 in a couple of three-word phrases, like “in the garden” and “before the fall” for starters. It’s not hard if you take more than 10 seconds to consider it.

As the admin of a Transgender Christians group on Facebook with over 800 members, I can tell you most of the people in the group love the Lord a LOT more than most of the Christians I know. When you consider all the rejection they’ve gone through from family, friends, other Christians, and their own church, it’s almost unbelievable that they still seek fellowship with other Christians. Why would they do that? It’s because THEY love the Lord. They are committed to serving Him. Yet when they try to, they are told “we don’t approve”. It’s frankly amazing to me that more Christians who are transgender don’t just walk away from Christianity completely—yet they don’t. Their knowledge of the truth of our Savior and faith in Him is DEEP.

Loving Christ and loving others includes speaking up when you see wrong being done

Sadly, I also see the pain caused by the church in the lives of some, and while they used to post in my group, they don’t anymore. I wonder what has happened to them. A couple of years ago there was one who was ready to kill herself. I contacted Facebook and gave them all the information I could, but I didn’t know exactly where she lived or anything, and can’t tell you what became of her. But I CAN tell you it was rejection by family and Christians that took her to the edge. A few years ago someone I met through the pastor who wrote the forward to my book was suicidal, she was just starting her transition. Fortunately, I had enough information on her and my local 911 connected me with the police dept. in her city, they were able to locate her in time through her cell phone and prevent her from taking her own life. She is now fine, and has a good job on her Facebook page asking the question “Are you loving others the same way Christ loves us?

Loving Christ and loving others includes speaking up when you see wrong being done, it doesn’t matter who is doing it, even if by a pastor (and the church that supports him).

There are SO MANY people in pain—Christians who love the Lord and are transgender, and they are left to fend for themselves.

Will YOU speak up? Does it bother you that your pastor will tolerate people who are transgender, only to ultimately say “we [the church and by extension, God] don’t approve” and watch them go away, never again to remind you of your own perceived bigotry? If the perception is wrong, then you should correct the perception.

Do I need to go on? Have I guilted you? Good! Have I offended you? Good! Does it bother you that the coffee handed you on a Sunday morning is hot and the treatment at your own church of Christians who are transgender is cold? Good! If you’re a personal friend of mine, talk to me or talk to your pastor. If you have a transgender friend here in the U.S. or elsewhere, talk to them. How can you TRULY best support them and help other Christians see that being a Christian who is transgender, is nothing more than being a Christian… who is also transgender.

If Jesus would fully and completely welcome a Christian who is transgender into Heaven, don’t you think your church should too?

-Blessings

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