One of the pastors at my old church, Dr. Octavious Bishop, posted this on Facebook today: “We must care-less, what people think of us. That’s none of our business. But, how we are perceived may begin the incredibly humbling process of understanding.”

The word “may” in the last sentence is important. That’s because how you’re perceived may NOT begin that process of understanding, and much of that depends on the person doing the perceiving. And it has nothing to do with you.

In fact two people can perceive you in exactly the same way, but what they do about that is often the difference between understanding and bigotry.

Understanding someone different than you requires effort on your part, it requires time on your part and it requires a willingness to change how you think if that’s the right thing to do.

For as long as we fear being wrong, we will never be right.

My old church is a good example. When it came down to making room for a home group for LGBT people where they could safely share their life, the church leadership wouldn’t allow it and in spite of many requests, would never say why. There were not strangers. They had years to know me and “perceive” me, they knew my heart, so it’s wasn’t a theoretical discussion in the abstract. There were other lives at the church that they probably knew of that I am not aware of, yet no discussion of “why” was going to happen.

What about having a discussion is so hard? Why is answering the question “why” such a roadblock to coming to a better understanding?

In the case of my old church leaders, they clearly had a perception of me (I was baptized there, active in the women’s ministry and also served mixing the audio for the online broadcast), but aside from an initial conversation when I first started there where I was told I was welcome there, it wasn’t discussed after that.

But left wondering why not talk about it? Why not have a discussion? I’m left with one word to explain it… fear.

Fear is a powerful thing.  It’s defined as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.”

Fear. Probably one of Satan’s favorite tool when it comes to Christians.

Sometimes we just don’t want to face our fear when it comes to understanding people better. It can be because we’re more comfortable with things just as they are, and we like being comfortable. The risk we take when seeking understanding is that things may not be what we thought they were, and we don’t want to accept that. It’s easier to just stick with what we know and call it a day rather than face the possibility that we need to change how we think.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

When we fear that discovering what we thought needs to change, it’s easy to lean back onto our own understanding and just stick with what we know (or THINK we know). Sometimes it’s just easier to avoid the pain of growth (or the disapproval of others in our close circle) than to open yourself up to a truth that you don’t want to admit is true.

Sometimes people already believe and don’t need to be persuaded in a conversation, but it’s the fear of the “inner circle” of people around you that keep you from admitting what you know to others, much less try to persuade them yourself. It’s just safer to stay quiet.

When we look at the Bible, it’s the stories of bravery that inspire us.

Fear. Probably one of Satan’s favorite tool when it comes to Christians. LGBT kids who are Christians fear telling their parents. Parents who have an LGBT child may fear telling their friends. Pastors who know that God loves his LGBT children may be hesitant to publicly say so from the platform.

Fear.

When we look at the Bible, it’s the stories of bravery that inspire us. We’re inspired hearing the story of David when he stood up to face Goliath. We’re inspired reading about how Daniel, despite breaking the law by worshiping God alone, was thrown into the lion’s den and was protected by the Lord. Even dear sweet Peter, when the storm was raging on the water dared to step out of the boat to meet Jesus on the water.

That’s the kind of bravery that is meant by “Trust in the Lord”. It means being willing to have that discussion that frightens you and say “Lord, I don’t know what I’m going to do if I find I’m wrong and need to change, but I TRUST You will guide me through it”. Now THAT is a brave prayer.

Being willing to RISK understanding is what’s necessary if we are to understand others who aren’t like us, regardless of the difference. For as long as we fear being wrong, we will never be right.

-Blessings

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