First, let me say that yes, I’m going to be a little hard on you Church in this post. Believe me, I’ve spent a fair share of time DEFENDING the Church from people who would call it hateful and yes, even evil. Not understanding something like how someone can be transgender doesn’t automatically make Christians hateful and evil, but how that lack of understanding is expressed can certainly have some severe effects.

In the last week my heart has been deeply saddened by some of the messages I’ve received and have read online by Christians – let me say that again.. CHRISTIANS who are transgender. They are filled with such pain and desperation. Here are a few just from the last week…

“Am I committing a mortal or grace sin? I sometimes wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Jesus wills that I join the Church but the people combat the existence of trans people.”

Do I stuff these feelings down, as in times past? Do I put a bullet in my head? 

“In many ways my my faith was wounded by the circumstances surrounding my coming out, and I’m not sure if it can fully recover.”

These last two really got to me…

“I am one of those that are thinking that I am going to have to de-transition (after 16 years + of living as a woman). I was ordained to minister before I transitioned and now I’m edging up toward the end of the line for me (at 76 years of age). I pray nightly to not be sent to hell and for God to help me de-transition. Being a true transsexual, I cannot do it on my own. I need to get back into the ministry and cannot since I am not living as a man. I was ordained and pastored as a Baptist. I [now] have a supporting pastor and am an elder at a church in Alabama. I have told God that I would be willing to live a lie (as a male with a female gender) if He would just help me. I do not want to make a mistake and go to hell after living my entire life as a Christian. I love God more as a woman than I ever did as a man and I do think about that. I just do not want to go to Hell. Otherwise, I am completely dedicated to God. I will not deny God even if He denies me… I do not know how or where I can get help.”

And this one was in a response to a recent post I published about making a decision with no easy outcome…

“This was very timely. A friend keeps telling me, “just wait and see.”
I am one of those people at a crossroads. Do I leave? Do I stuff these feelings down, as in times past? Do I put a bullet in my head? 
As I told him tonight, I don’t see any way out of where I’m at. I don’t have any income. I’m waiting to get in front of an SSDI judge. My wife and I are preparing to separate. Our kids don’t know yet. Out youngest already deals with extreme depression. And if she does any self harm, I will be blamed (including blaming myself). Our 18 year old son has said that if I transition, he’ll cut ties. My wife will say that she’ll always be a friend, but her tone is, “let God take care of this and remove it from you.
I’m sick and tired of dealing with depression, with fear, with mental anguish, with not being able to work, with being literally STUCK on two worlds – trans and not trans. I’m getting worse. I’m emotionally, spiritually and mentally weak, and my body is quickly catching up to those.  I feel that if I leave, I lose EVERYTHING!  I truly do not see any way out except to not wake up. When I’m awake, it’s a nightmare. If I’m asleep, there is no nightmare, no stress, no worry, no judgement… There is just peace.”

I know the feeling that death was the only door to peace

And these were just in the last seven days. These are Christians! Does it break your heart to hear such anguish coming from followers of Jesus?

I have personally identified with most of them in my life. The feeling that God must hate me because of being transgender. That being transgender is a sin. I know the feeling that death was the only door to peace. I’ve been told myself I would go to hell because I’m transgender. I also identify tremendously with the woman who said she loved God now more as a woman than she ever did a man.

So Church, I ask you WHY do these people feel so desperate, so isolated, so unwelcomed by the very faith family they wish to embrace?

This isn’t an innate knowledge they have that they are “sinning” or disobeying God. The vast majority of people who are transgender realize it at a very early age, most will tell you “as far back as I can remember.” This is in contrast to same-sex attraction that usually doesn’t become apparent until years later when you would expect sexual attraction to surface, so don’t confuse the two. They are entirely different.

The concept that “there must be something wrong with me” comes from their their environment. When I was little I knew just from the family dynamic that expressing that I felt like a girl inside wouldn’t go over well, and I kept it stuffed inside.

As we get older we realize that it is human nature to not really like people that are too different than us. Some people are uncomfortable around a person in a wheelchair or who may be mentally slow or in another way disabled. We may not like people who look and dress very different than us, heck, we don’t even like people who think different than us politically even if they DO dress the right way!

Why is this? Because we don’t understand them! Do you HATE the beggar on the street that you avoided while walking downtown one evening? I doubt it. After all you don’t even know the person. But you were uncomfortable enough to perhaps avoid eye contact and maybe you even crossed the street to avoid the person.

I’ll be blunt church, people are DYING because they don’t feel there is any way that God can love them for who they are. And the reason is because they are told by Church members and Church leaders that God won’t accept them for HOW they are. They have given their life to the Lord. They LOVE Jesus. And yet they are condemned.

The concept that “there must be something wrong with me” comes from their their environment

Folks, there is NOTHING scriptural about that! God does not judge you because you lived up to being the person your genitalia decided you should be. What’s between your legs has nothing to do with the person that you are. Your mind, your heart, your soul are not determined by your flesh (though I can hear the jokes flying already about men being controlled by their…. well you know.)

God created us male and female – no secret there. And (to borrow the analogy from a pastor friend of mine) MOST people win the lottery – your genetics, your hormonal and enzymatic activity in the womb all lined up perfectly and bingo – you identify as the gender that matches your physical sex. Thank God! What a mess the human race would be if that were not so.

But there is a very small percentage (approx. 0.03%) where unfortunately not everything lines up like the cherries on a slot machine. People who are transgender did not choose to be this way, they were wonderfully and fearfully made every bit as much as you blessed to be “normal” folks and as well as the child born with no arms and legs.

But Church (I’m talking to you my dear Christian friend,) where is the love Christ instructed you to show to EVERYONE? Where is the grace to admit that you don’t understand everything in God’s creation, and until you do you will fault on the side of love?

God doesn’t want comfortable Christians. He doesn’t want you going to do your 90 minutes each Sunday at a church that has you leaving like you just got a back massage only to go to your comfortable home until the following Sunday. Being a Christian isn’t easy. Following Jesus isn’t easy. It’s challenging, it stretches you. It takes you to places and people you might otherwise not go to. And it also expects you to sit at a table with people that the Pharisees might shun. Jesus ate with the “deplorables”, yet He loved them. He welcomed them, He talked with them.

When people who LOVE the Lord talk about ending their life, it’s because all they hear from Christians around them is how horrible they are, and they begin to believe it! Verses are easy when you ASSUME being transgender is a sin. Start with the fact that it isn’t and then look for your verses, then go back to the context in the Greek and Hebrew and see what you come up with. I’m guessing you’re not willing to do the work, but rather feel better just hanging on to whatever it is you feel about people who are transgender. Searching for TRUTH is too much trouble and may challenge your belief.

When people who LOVE the Lord talk about ending their life because all they hear from Christians around them is how horrible they are, they begin to believe it

When someone says they are a follower of Christ, who are you to say they aren’t? Is it not enough to leave it between them and God to “work out their salvation with fear and trembling”? (Philippians 2:12)

Rather than condemn someone who is transgender, try allowing them to attend your church. Rather than hit them over the head with the Bible, why don’t you pray for them – they already struggle enough with life just as we all do and prayer is ALWAYS welcome. And since I mentioned prayer, DON’T ask God to fix them, ask Him to bless them and that His will be done (not yours.)

Being transgender is horrible. It’s a pain felt to the core that can’t be seen and can’t be measured by medical instruments. It’s so great a pain that almost half of people who are transgender either attempt or consider suicide (and I would be part of that statistic.)

It’s time for the Church to embrace Christians who are transgender as their brothers and sisters in Christ. I’m not saying you have to celebrate them, in fact I don’t think you should, because if you did it would be only to puff yourselves up as if to say “look at us, how wonderful and accepting we are.”

What I mean is you can just welcome them – without exception, with no greater or lesser fanfare that you would any other believer. We would let you serve here or there except you’re transgender is not being welcoming. You could be on staff or an elder except you’re transgender is not being welcoming. Why would you deny someone who meets every qualification to serve, be on staff, be a deacon or elder at the church “except that they’re transgender?” Really? How do YOU reconcile someone is that godly, loves the Lord that much, meets all your qualification and because they are transgender you won’t allow them to serve in a position they are clearly qualified to serve? How do you do that? How do you tell the Lord why you wouldn’t allow one of His children to serve in an area they were clearly qualified for? Why? Because it’s hard? Because it’s “complicated”? Because it might offend someone?

Don’t ask, don’t tell is NOT an open and welcoming attitude. It’s an attitude of “we want to be good Christians but we don’t want to upset the people who give money to the church.” Whatever the excuse, be it reputation or fear of abandonment by those who are important to the church – it’s not a reason I think you would like to give to the Lord.

In fact here is my challenge to you, in fact I DARE you…. tonight, pray and while you pray to the Father, tell Him WHY you don’t want to allow someone who is transgender into your life. WHY you don’t think you should allow someone who is transgender to be a part of your fellowship. Why you don’t need to show them  the love and grace that Jesus showed for the least of those when He was on the Earth.

If you can’t do that, then I DARE you to pray that God softens your heart. Help you get past whatever it is within you that would put up a barrier between you and another one of His children who loves Him just as much (if not more) than you do.

Being transgender is like being torn apart from the inside. Add the perceived and the real condemnation (from those who claim to speak for the Lord) and I wouldn’t be surprised if the majority of transgender suicides are in fact Christians – unfortunately we can’t ask them now can we?

C’mon Church! It’s time to get your head out of the sand and face the world. Let’s literally SAVE lives and grow the kingdom!

– Blessings

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