As a Christian, you may have heard how important it is to be “open and transparent” with others within Christ’s community, it’s part of being vulnerable and allowing others to help us in our walk and support us in our times of trial. And it’s very true and an important part of being knitted in spirit with other believers. Even my own Pastor has said so, last year he closed a message with this: “Tell me your story. I tell you when you don’t know people’s story, you can allow fear to separate you, and when you miss their story you miss – them. And when you miss them they feel isolated and alone – and some of you know what that’s like, to be isolated and alone. It’s just awful.”

And yes, feeling isolated and alone IS just awful. Being transgender AND a Christian creates a real problem for many. You want to follow Jesus, you want to have fellowship with others who wish to follow Jesus. If you haven’t transitioned (still living as your physical sex) yet… that’s the hardest. I found it much easier (compared to near impossible) – thought still very difficult to tell people AFTER transitioning and surgery.

when you don’t know people’s story… you miss – them

I don’t know how to tell those who are transgender and haven’t transitioned and haven’t told anyone how to handle it. I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s and well, it just wasn’t talked about then – and I talked about it with NO ONE! I didn’t tell anyone until I made the decision to transition – because then it was inevitable that they would find out. Things are very different today and at least it’s not as “foreign” a topic today as it was then. But that doesn’t automatically change how people feel about it. All it means is that more people know what it means, not that they are open and okay with it. And if you already know that, then I know exactly where you are.

Are you a Christian who isn’t transgender? Do you have any idea how much pain is within someone you may consider a friend who is transgender? They may or may not have transitioned. You may or may not even know they are transgender. The pain they are holding in you can’t imagine. To not share the DEPTH of who you are to good friends and those you care about is crushing.

Most of the folks at my church DON’T know I wasn’t born a girl. There’s no reason they should. But I do have close friends who NOW know – they didn’t know before. It was a bit of a surprise to them but it just made sense to tell them at this stage of our friendship to share that part of my life. Was it easy? Absolutely not. Was it necessary? To maintain and continue to build relationships – absolutely yes! I don’t know how anyone keeps that part of their life all locked up and can make up lies or half-truths forever.

Early on and yes, even to this day with casual acquaintances if I’m asked if I was ever married I say “yes, I was”. If they continue to ask I just say “well, it just didn’t work out” and it get’s left at that. If they can’t leave it alone and ask about my husband (WRONG) then I simply say my EX remarried and life is good for them.” I don’t lie but I don’t correct them either, assuming I was married to a man (and yes – I hate it.)

Don’t let FEAR keep you from sharing your life

This website is here because the Lord told me he wanted me to minister to all Christians – whether they are transgender or not. It is NOT here for me to tell you how to lie to friends and other Christians. And… it has NOT been easy for me to tell people. When the Lord laid all this on me almost a year ago I DIDN’T want to go public. But that (apparently) wasn’t up to me! So here I am. I suppose because God literally spoke to me, that this website is what was needed for me to share my story with others close to me and with you who are reading this. I so hope for you if you’re transgender that it’s easier for you than for me (you’re most likely younger than I and maybe that helps.)

Telling people I care about regarding my background has at times been paralyzing. It has paralyzed my relationship with friends as well as my relationship with churches. The reason it was paralyzing was FEAR. Fear can be paralyzing, it’s also a tool of that son of a bitch Satan to keep you huddled in a corner, afraid to talk to others about ANYTHING in your life.

Don’t let FEAR keep you from sharing your life. Don’t let FEAR keep you huddling in a corner shaking. That doesn’t mean be careless. Some people are just the WRONG people to open up to, and you won’t always be right – trust me on that one. But ask God to bring people, Christians into your life that you CAN be open with, that you CAN be transparent with. That you can share your hurt with and that they can share their hurt with you. Because you may be transgender doesn’t mean you’re the only one hurting. You need to be there to support friends who may be struggling with their family, their spouse, their children, their job. Whatever it is – EVERYBODY has a struggle, everybody endures storms, that’s just life. So don’t assume yours is the most massive pain ever endured by any other human.

We don’t live in a time when being transgender is understood or accepted. That time is coming, even by Christians but it’s a process. It may be a generation or two away. Getting SEX away from the concept of being transgender is not easy – it’s a simple leap most people make that gets in the way of them wanting to even try to understand.

Tell those you feel you can trust, accept that rejection is a possibility. I’ll probably talk about rejection in my next post because we ALL have experience in that and will continue to.

Until then, blessings my friends.

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