Those were the words sent to me in a private message just before noon today. They continued “…the way this world is screwed up and the amount of pain I’m going through its best I finally end it.” And they closed expressing their love.

I have their cell phone number, so I tried to call them, but it went straight to voice-mail.

This person doesn’t live in Austin, I had their name, phone number, email address and knew what town they lived in, along with their spouse’s name, that’s it. So I called 911 here in Austin and they connected me with the police in the person’s city.

[I’m intentionally avoiding using terms like him/her or husband/wife for privacy of the individual, so forgive me if the language seems a little awkward at times]

So while I was passing along everything I knew to the local police, the person sent me a message and said “call me”.

I briefly spoke with them while still on the phone on another line with the police, and was assured they were okay, though they didn’t sound it. I asked if I could have their home address (I wanted to pass it along to the police) but they didn’t want to tell me (knowing exactly why I did want it), but said they were going to go talk to a friend right then and that I didn’t need to worry.

I know that darkness, that sense of hopelessness.

When we hung up the police confirmed the phone number with me and said they would ping the number and try to locate them that way, and they thanked me for calling.

About an hour later I got a call from the police at my friend’s home, letting me know the person was now there and okay.

My friend is married and deeply loves their spouse. My friend is also transgender.

Their spouse has known for a little while, but my friend’s dysphoria (that’s that sense of disconnection between your body and the gender you know you are) just continued to get worse, to where they were ready to start hormones and begin the outward transition to match their identity.

So at the same time my friend is feeling better about making the decision to move forward, their spouse says they want a divorce. I don’t blame the spouse, it’s not what they signed up for and was nowhere on the radar when they said “for better or for worse”.

But the prospect of moving forward in life, alone, with something so difficult to deal with left my friend, who is already battling depression, was too much and they were ready to “finally end it.”

When I got off the phone with the police, I started to cry. I so understood the pain my friend was in, I’ve been there, I know that darkness, that sense of hopelessness. I couldn’t physically be there for my friend, all I could do is talk to them and hope and pray that when they said they were “better”, that it was true.

And then I got angry. Angry at churches, their pastor’s and church members that would condemn people who are transgender, telling them that “they need to repent and turn to Jesus” as a solution to being transgender. Well my friend IS a Christian, they HAVE turned to Jesus. Being transgender isn’t a Jesus issue any more than being born without an arm is a Jesus issue. Repentance won’t grow the arm because that person didn’t make a “choice” to be born without an arm. Neither did my friend choose to be transgender.

Your silence from the pulpit shouts far louder than any words you’ve ever spoken.

And I got angry at churches that don’t condemn, yet likewise don’t affirm someone who is transgender. It’s easier to not say anything about it, that way no one will be offended, there’s no worry about the possibility of members leaving the church over it—and we’ll just have to HOPE no one loses their LIFE over it. “Everybody is welcome” is so often told to people by the church, but don’t make waves—we don’t want to make people uncomfortable and squirm in their seat, we don’t want to upset anyone.

Well, I’M UPSET. My friend who is a Christian can’t turn to their own church for support, not even their own family! Pardon my language, but what the hell are we here on Earth for if we as Christians are not there with open arms for people suffering like my friend? Why do we even let it get that far? Because we think it’s a sin? We’ll let them kill themselves over it and feel no guilt in having a part in it?

Pastors, you need to pull your head out of the sand and get up to speed on what it is and is not to be transgender. A baby is born with a condition and you’re all over letting the family know you’re there for them. Someone in your congregation is transgender and it is AT BEST “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil”. You have groups to offer support for the “poor parents” of LGBT people, yet are quiet and offer NOTHING for those at your own churches who may actually be LGBT. Do you really feel it’s more important to let them feel condemned and leave them at the perimeter rather than at the very least feel genuinely welcome and a part of your church? Your silence from the pulpit shouts far louder than any words you’ve ever spoken. Do you expect your congregation to figure it all out on their own? If so what are you there for? If you think that since God created them male and female means that perfection in gender identity continues today just as it was in the garden though no other aspect of our human existence is perfect, then I have no words for you—I can’t fix that type of intentional deafness.

Nothing puts life into perspective, until you’re on the phone trying to talk someone you know out of killing themselves, and all you have to stop them with are words.

The attempted suicide rate among people who are transgender is over 40%. You can tell me that they need Jesus, and if they don’t know Him, then you’re right. But that won’t change the suicide rate, because many times it’s because Christians make them feel like a failure before God, and THAT’S why they take their life. The only voice they hear is one of condemnation from other Christians, so it doesn’t take much for that son of a bitch Satan to whisper in their ear that all hope is lost and push them over the edge. So how about as Christians we do our part and stop condemning people for something they have ZERO control over, this is not a choice! You want to be pro-life? Let’s start saving some, okay? Let’s be the voice that DOESN’T condemn them!

If you’re a pastor, I hope you don’t have to stand before the Lord, and explain why not losing members (and their money) was more important than the lives lost because they didn’t know by your teaching that God loved them just as He created them, even the part of them you couldn’t see, but He could.

As for my friend, they are now staying with supportive extended family for the immediate future, thankfully it didn’t go the other way.

-Blessings

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