I’ve written about family and holidays before, and yesterday, the day before Mother’s day, I was again filled with the significance of family.

Each year I send my mom either a card or flowers for Mother’s day, and likewise on her birthday. I have her home address and as far as I know it’s still current since I’ve never received a notice that the address is wrong. It’s going on 28 years since I’ve seen my parents and just about that long since we’ve spoken, I’ve written them and they continue to choose silence toward me. The same for my brothers. In fact, for the first 30 years of their lives my two nephews didn’t even know I existed, and we live in the same state (well, one lives now on the other side of the state line in Oklahoma, but I extend grace to him since he grew up in Texas).

I was in front of my computer in my office when I got a new email, it was the automated notification that the flowers I sent my mom were delivered. Of course I’m glad they arrived on time, but at the same time, the flame of hope that maybe this year is the year I hear from her burns a little less bright. Both my parents are now in their eighties (they were in their fifties, younger than I now am the last time I saw them), and well, I just feel the clock ticking. Both sets of my grandparents passed away in their 80’s.

I’m not writing this to just parents who have kids (of any age) that are transgender, I’m writing this to ALL Christians.

And just as I was reading the delivery notification in my email, I received an incoming text notification from the leader of the home group with my church I attend. The father of a man in the group passed away. He loved his father very much—and it was clearly hard for him to see his father, who had been so strong all his life finally succumb to the disease he had been battling. It was expected to happen in the last couple of weeks, but just as when “grandpa” passed away when I was taking care of him (the story is in my book), there really is no preparation for the reality that your loved one is gone.

It was again impressed upon me just how important family is, and how blessed most people are to have some family in their life—even when sometimes it’s family not just to love but perhaps to fight with at times, because it’s family and you’re stuck with each other and you love each other anyway.

Before y’all start sending me messages of condolences or leaving comments below for me, please don’t. My parents are alive and I pray well. They’ve missed out on the best part of my life, but I will have hope to the very end that one day, I’ll once again be a part of the family I love.

But this isn’t about me. This is about all the people who have their family turn their back on them because they are transgender. And it’s a lot of people. What’s even worse is that most of the people who cut off and in many cases, literally cast out a loved one because they are transgender are people who call Christ Lord.

It continues to amaze me that there are people, Christians, who think that a person would risk losing their friends, their jobs, their family and live contrary to their biological sex because they CHOSE to be transgender.

It continues to amaze me that there are people, Christians, who think that a person would risk losing their friends, their jobs, their family and live contrary to their biological sex because they CHOSE to be transgender. Who would choose that?

A few days ago I was contacted by a mom whose child recently came out to her as transgender. It’s understandably a shock to any parent, and so of course she struggles with it. I’m sure she like most moms wants her child to be happy, was thinking they would grow up, maybe go to college, get married, start a family, make her a grandma. And now she worries about her child’s safety and very future. But above all, she loves her child and refuses to turn her back for any reason.

The dad is a different story, he’s not ready to accept this as a reality. I haven’t spoken with him so I don’t know the true reason why. Is it a sense of failure in raising their child? Does he think it’s a sin and therefore justifies his cutting himself off from his child? Is he disappointed in his child’s “choice”? Is he worried about what their friends and neighbors may think, his co-workers, the people at their church? Whatever the reason, it’s getting in the way of his embracing his child for just being his child, whose singular need above all else is for love and acceptance.

I’m not writing this only to parents who have kids (of any age) that are transgender, I’m writing this to ALL Christians.

When did Jesus ever show the door to someone who wanted to be near Him?

I know entire families that have left churches because there was no support, no love shown toward them in a difficult time. The church acted as if Jesus Himself was showing the family the way out the door and felt justified doing it! Does that sound like Jesus to you?

When did Jesus ever show the door to someone who wanted to be near Him? In what parallel universe did Jesus ever say to anyone “you’re not welcome to sit with me until you meet my standards, get out”?

These individuals and families need the SUPPORT of their church, not its condemnation. They need to know that they won’t be left out in the cold until they “get their act together” or “straighten that kid out”. When a child is transgender, the whole family is affected. There may even be conflict within the family, and between the parents over this. And when a parent or both parents support a transgender child, they shouldn’t be scorned because perhaps they have chosen to love and embrace a family member for who they are, even if the church isn’t in full agreement.

I’m often told by people who hear my story, particularly moms how they can’t imagine not being there for their child, cutting them off. And yet the Christian Church does it all the time to Christ’s children, their brothers and sisters in the Lord.

When someone is transgender, at some point it can’t be kept a secret. We as Christians are often quick to criticize others for their faults, their “sins” when we can see them. It’s just a good thing for them that others can’t see the secret sins that lie in the hearts of the one doing the criticizing, Jesus spoke a lot about hypocrites (thirteen times alone in the book of Matthew) and was quite direct about it.

Jesus hung out with and was not afraid to embrace people who were different than Him, even rejected by society, people who were deaf, blind, lame, poor, Samaritans, prostitutes, lawyers, tax collectors, lepers, demon-possessed. And He didn’t walk away once from any of them.

We would be so much closer to the Church the Lord would like us to be if we made the decision to love people more and criticize (and at times judge) less. Look, we all have issues, let’s pray for each other and lift each other up more. If someone claims Jesus as their Lord and Savior, they are part of Christ’s family, it’s not ours to judge if they “really are” because of what they do or how they act. Oh, that person smokes or oh, that person drinks and they have a tatoo so they can’t possibly be a Christian. If you can’t bring yourself to support another Christian, at least don’t persecute them, because Jesus wouldn’t. Let them work it out with the Lord, just as you do with your issues.

As for my parents, maybe things would be different if back in the day they could have felt they had the support of other Christians—in their circle at least, they didn’t. But that was then (a LONG time ago) and that’s the past. Today, we can make a difference in the lives of people at our own churches with a simple “we love you, regardless”. It’s not hard, unless you intend to make it hard. Just remember that Jesus is watching. When you’re standing in front of Him in Heaven and he asks you why you turned your back on one of His children, “I thought I was following the rules” isn’t going to fly, because the most important rule He gave was to simply “Love each other” (John 15:12) because it is the greatest evidence that God’s Spirit lives within us (1 Corinthians 13:13).

-Blessings

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