The expression “ignorance is bliss” is meant to imply that by not knowing something, you’re better off in a situation. The problem comes when you put your ignorance on display, and not only live your life in that ignorance, but promote it to others.

Now take it to another level. Let’s take a pastor with thousands of people listening both in a church building and also online all over the United States and beyond sharing his ignorance in a sermon, and most just take it in because “well, he’s the pastor, we like him, he must be right”. And the ignorance is now reinforced in others—and they think they’re being good Christians. Well…

This happened last week at my old church. The pastor was doing a series called “In, not Of” (as in being “In the world” but not “of the world”). And a week ago his message was on people who are LGBTQ. Word gets around when a pastor is broaching a subject that he has mostly avoided for years, so not just I but others turned in to hear what he had to say.

I want to be sure you don’t get hurt again… in fact we have a gay couple that sits up front in the first service

I first attended this church a little over seven years ago. As I wrote in my book, after eleven years of not going to church, I pulled myself together and when deciding I wanted to attend this church, I immediately met with the pastor and his wife to let them know that I was not just a Christian, but also transgender and if that was going to be an issue, I wanted to know then and there. I had told him about what happened in Sacramento, how a church told me I couldn’t be a member if I continue to be transgender (as if that could be changed). So what did the pastor tell me? Did he say he agreed with the church in Sacramento and that being transgender isn’t compatible with God’s plan? Did he say maybe I should look elsewhere for a church?

No. He said “I want to be sure you don’t get hurt again… in fact we have a gay couple that sits up front in the first service”.

I cried when he said that. He made me believe I was accepted and welcome.

Six months later, on the same Sunday he baptized me, he was doing a series on “Hot Topics”, it was a four (maybe five) week series on a variety of topics, and one topic he had announced at the beginning would be on LGBT. Well, this Sunday was the last Sunday of the series, so surely this was going to be week he talked about it. Even my dear friend and spiritual mom Pastor Sharon flew out from California for the baptism, and as the pastor walked onto the platform to begin speaking, Sharon grabbed my hand as if to say “here we go!” The pastor immediately started his sermon… about Islam. WHAT!? What happened to LGBT? He chickened out, that was a clue that should have been a clue that something was amiss.

Maybe they were hoping I would go away. And I did.

I left the church two years ago when it was promoted that the small groups in homes were a “safe place” to share your life, it was clear to me in my group that it wasn’t when a man in the group (not knowing I was transgender) joked about getting the group together at his home, the guys could wear dresses and play some pool. So when I asked the pastor about starting a small group for people who were LGBT, so there would be a safe place to fully share their lives and grow in the Lord as the church promotes, I was met with silence. On four occasions over three months I sent emails to three pastors at the church asking to meet to further discuss this. Each email was met with silence. NO response. Four emails, three pastors, that’s TWELVE times my request to meet was ignored.

Maybe they were hoping I would go away. And I did.

That’s when I left behind a church that had no interest in meeting the needs of their own members who claim Christ as Lord who also happen to be LGBTQ. Oh, they have a group for the PARENTS who have LGBTQ kids, and how to “love” them, but NOTHING for the kids who may be LGBTQ, nothing.

But this isn’t a rant about my old church Life Austin nor Pastor Randy Phillips, but rather about the tremendous damage churches like this all over America do to not only the name of Christ, but to Christians who through no fault of their own were fearfully and wonderfully made, just not like most.

The sermon began taking about Babylon, and the contrast between the Babylonians and God’s people. How three captors were given new names by the Babylonias and called Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Then he made a leap not even Michael Jordan could make, surmising that those three were give “gender-reassignment surgery” by the Babylonians. How people who are LGBT have “the Babylonian Spirit” and how we (as people who are LGBTQ) attack both healthy sexuality and also infants. Go look for it yourself, I can’t find it anywhere. He then went on how in Genesis 1:27 we were made in the image of God, male and female, which is the most simplistic interpretation possible when it comes to people who are transgender. For some reason, only people who are transgender have to meet the bar of perfection that existed at the time God created Adam and Eve. Everybody else in history since then, people born deaf, people born without limbs, people born with severe mental handicaps, even people who could live past their first hour of life get a pass, unless you’re born transgender, then it’s back to the Garden or nothing. The pastor even admitted that men and women are wired differently, and either is ignorant of or ignored the science that shows that transgender brains are “wired” more like that of the sex they identify as, not the biological sex the DNA says.

When the pastor of a church says “we don’t approve”, he’s speaking for God

But again, ignorance is bliss if you want to believe people different than you aren’t approved of by God.

And that’s exactly how he ended his sermon. He said “you’re welcome here… we accept, but we do not approve”.

That’s like Bill Clinton when he said “There’s nothing going on between us” referring to his relationship with Monica Lewinsky. He was asked if he was lying when he said that. His response was “it depends on what the meaning of is, is” (as in “There is” for there’s).

Splitting the difference between being accepting while not approving may make some feel better about themselves when they sleep at night, but it does nothing but drive people away from the church (and often God).

When the pastor of a church says “we don’t approve”, he’s speaking for God. Because why would he say that if he thought God DID approve? He wouldn’t. That crushes the soul of someone who walks into a church seeking community with other believers, only to find out they are a 2nd class person in the “club” and God doesn’t even like them. In fact in his sermon he read an anonymous quote that said “If you doubt what God says on this issue, you’ll doubt much of what God says on every issue.” So there you go, this is GOD’S opinion, the pastor is only the messenger.

I almost killed myself thirty years ago because I was sure God didn’t approve of me, yet I could not change who I was, so death seemed the only way to end the pain. I was already a Christian, I had been prayed for and prayed over by people just like the people at Life Austin. This is NOT a spiritual issue and there is not spiritual solution any more than someone born without arms or legs requires a spiritual solution. I’ll grant you that there are many who are transgender who need Christ, but that won’t fix their being transgender (and yes, some claim Jesus healed them but in every case I’ve seen they had other issues in their life and weren’t really transgender in the first place).

Many I know conflate this kind of ignorance with hate.

I know Pastor Randy doesn’t hate me or anyone else, but his ignorance can certainly be interpreted by others as hate since he espouses that God doesn’t approve of them. And it’s that interpretation that leads many to run out of hope and kill themselves. If it was as simple as saying “I don’t want to live being transgender, I’m changing back” people would do it. The reason suicide is so high among people who are transgender is because they don’t feel “approved” of, approved of by their family, approved of by society and approved of by their God. That kind of condemnation can only be carried for so long before it overwhelms a person and they give up on life.

It grieves me that churches that in other ways do so much good, can do such harm to people because they don’t understand them, and they let fear drive them to the point of creating a theology that justifies their bigotry.

There once was a time when blacks were finally “accepted” into public schools, but they weren’t “approved” of. To this day women are “accepted” in the business environment, but not always “approved” of. In some churches women are “accepted” to teach, but not “approved” if that means teaching men.

I’m praying one day the same prejudice and ignorance that thinks God doesn’t approve of ALL those who claim his Son Jesus as Lord will one day be as abhorrent as thinking blacks must sit at the back of the bus.

I don’t remember Jesus saying he was preparing a place for some that would be better than for some others. Does Heaven have a first class section and a coach section for others?

If a church says “you are welcome here” but has requirements beyond a confessed faith in Christ, then it’s nothing more that a club that will allow you to be a visitor, but never a member. You may go there, but you’ll never belong there, because they don’t approve of you.

Maybe we should stop calling them churches and instead “Christian Clubs” with membership requirements. Then they could clearly state what the requirements are rather than play the “welcoming and loving” game while silently not approving of you.

I have a friend in another state who went to the same church for 29 years, most of those years as a male. When she transitioned a couple of years ago, some at the church had an issue with it, but others, knowing her as long as they had couldn’t help but welcome her with love and acceptance. The pastor at the time, while unsure was willing to talk about it and have an open mind, as this was new to him. But he soon retired, and the new pastor made it clear in no uncertain terms that she was no longer welcome at the church and if she returned, she would be ushered out. At least he was honest about it and didn’t drag it out.

I have to say at first I thought my pastor was a bit of a coward because while he seemed to be approving of me, he seemed afraid of how the church would react which is why he previously never mentioned it in church. But churches like Wilshire Baptist in Dallas and GracePoint Church in Nashville both struggled with it, and after much discussion, research and prayer decided to fully embrace all who wanted to be a part of their family, with no “2nd class” section for those who might be different.

It wasn’t until last Sunday that my pastor was a coward toward me. Never once saying he felt I was not approved of because I was transgender. Why would a pastor baptize someone they felt wasn’t approved of by God?

Things like this break people. I’m fairly tough and resilient because I’ve been through it before, but I hear of people online all the time, Christians, who just because they are “different” are belittled and cast aside by other “loving” Christians.

Christians who are LGBTQ face more persecution from Christians than anyone else, yet their huge faith is what keeps them going, despite the rejection by other Christians. But everyone has their limit. After rejection by their own families, for many the church is their only real sense of family and community, and when that becomes impossible, that’s when many decide life is no longer worth living.

Churches have no idea how many Christians who are LGBTQ believe as they do, wish to worship as they do and want to be a part of their community, but aren’t welcomed (and let’s be honest, if you don’t approve they are not going to feel welcomed no matter what you say.)

Let’s pray that this last bit of prejudice and bigotry will one day no longer be a part of any church.

-Blessings

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