Anyone who knows me knows I love to drive. Maybe it’s because I was born in California. I’m pretty sure they put a little motor oil in your veins the first hour of your life in the hospital. A good friend of mine in Sacramento has this beautiful Candy Apple Red Mustang that she actually built a separate garage/barn just to park it in and protect it – so it’s not just a guy thing in California. In California, we just love cars

(just a note, I’m a refugee who escaped California fourteen years ago and now safely reside in Texas – but what’s done is done.)

I had the benefit of having driver’s education be part of high school as a sophomore. I took it during summer school which turned out to be awesome because my driving teacher was the head coach of the football team. As it turned out he had also used to be a professional truck driver, so the three of us in his car got our education from a true expert with little tips that I doubt the regular instructors were giving or even knew.

I need that superpower. I NEED to see what’s ahead!

One of the many things he taught us was to look ahead, way ahead of the vehicle in front of us. It became a habit with me and to this day I’m always trying to pay attention of what’s happening at least a quarter mile (or more if I can) in front of me on the road.

Another thing my friends know about me is that I love my car. It’s 18 years old with over 250,000 miles on it but it’s my baby. When something goes wrong with it – I get it fixed, at least I’m not making car payments. But if there’s a disadvantage to it, it sits pretty low.

And as a result I’m often faced with the frustrating situation of NOT being able to see past the big SUV with the blacked out rear window or the 18-wheeler directly in front of me. And even more frustrating is that I don’t have x-ray vision to see beyond them. I need that superpower. I NEED to see what’s ahead!

I was driving home from Dallas a couple of weeks ago at night and it was foggy for much of the drive – at times I couldn’t see a couple of hundred feet, it certainly didn’t feel safe driving at the posted speed. I would simply try to get a vehicle of some type in front of me and keep their taillights in view from a safe distance. The key was to stay focused on the car in front of me, it was my guide in the fog. If their brake lights came on I had plenty of room to slow down. But if I lost view of them and found myself alone in the fog, I slowed down. I didn’t have a guide and I had no idea what was ahead.

One time when my car was in the shop a friend loaned me her massive Ford pick-up with a shell on the back. Visibility out the rear-view mirror wasn’t great and at times I felt like I was steering a cruise ship. If I was ever driving my own car right behind her truck I would HATE it! But I must say in driving it, I had a GREAT view of all the traffic in front of me and I found it very satisfying to the part of me that likes to see ahead.

If we’re in the dark about anything in front of us as mere mortals, it’s our future

If we’re in the dark about anything in front of us as mere mortals, it’s our future. We don’t even know if we’ll be alive tomorrow. We certainly don’t know what lies ahead of us five, ten or more years out. It’s probably true most of us think about our future. If we own life insurance we’re certainly thinking about it, if we’re saving for retirement we’re thinking about it. We may look forward to seeing the children in our lives growing up – be it dance recitals, spelling bees, graduations or nuptials. We all hope to have a future and we wish we knew what was ahead.

If you enter into Google “how can I know my future”, you’ll “only” get 815 million entries returned. Everything from online psychic chats to numerology to apps you can install on your iPhone that tell you how to read your own palm. Everyone is looking for a guide. Fortune tellers have been around as long as people have. In fact in Leviticus 19:31 God warned the Israelites “Do not turn to mediums or seek out spiritists, for you will be defiled by them. I am the Lord your God.”

Jeremiah 29:11 (which also happens to be my life verse) says “For I know what I have planned for you,’ says the Lord. ‘I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope.” (New English Translation)

Just as I hate not being able to see well ahead of me in traffic, not knowing what my life will look like in six months, a year, 20 years from now (Lord willing) is a difficult thing for me to be ok with. I feel best when the events of my life are on my calendar. I can see what I need to do, when I need to do it and where I need to do it (not in an anal way like when to go to the bathroom or even go to bed and wakeup) but for work and for social events – yeah, I want to have it all down on my calendar and the sooner it’s there the better I feel. As a self-employed person I certainly feel better when the upcoming week’s calendar has lots of client’s names in it.

When we pray for a particular outcome, we’re totally rejecting how Jesus taught us to pray

As administrator of a couple of Transgender Christian groups in Facebook, I see people struggling with heart-wrenching decisions, the same heart-wrenching situations I’ve been through. “Do I tell my parents and maybe get thrown out or rejected at home or keep quiet?” “Do I stay married and try to keep living like this or tell my spouse and risk losing my marriage?” If you’re not transgender maybe you’re wondering if you should leave your job now BEFORE getting fired or do you stay and hope it all works out somehow?

We all feel like we’re gambling with the future when we make decisions. As Christians hopefully we’ve prayed about the decisions that we need to make, sought our Father’s voice and have been quiet enough to listen. When we pray for a particular outcome, we’re totally rejecting how Jesus taught us to pray (after all – He’s pretty much the one to learn from, right?) “Thy kingdom come, THY WILL BE DONE.”

It was almost exactly two years ago that I sent an email to the women’s pastor at my church and to my spiritual mom. I titled the email “am I Called or Crazy?” I sent it because I felt a calling. I felt God leading me to do “something”. I mean SOMEBODY needed to do something and needed to do it NOW! Christians who are transgender are being neglected, ignored and condemned by Christ’s Church. But I didn’t know what to do at the time so I started to make assumptions – and within a week I was totally out of control. I was ready to (figuratively) burn down the church and take whatever relationships I had made there with it!

Both women gave me the exact same message… “slow your roll girl.” ” Breathe!”

I wanted to KNOW what God had planned for me. I wanted to know my future. And through the wisdom of the women He had placed in my life He simply told me to slow down and not sweat it. I’ve always had trust issues with people and in this situation I didn’t stop long enough to breathe, and to just trust that whatever it may be God had for me, it would be good. Even if it was hard, it would be good.

And you DO have a future! Why? Because God promised it!

Why do I say all this? Because two years ago, I would NEVER have imagined that I would be writing this now, trying to help others like maybe you, desperate for help. Hoping – PRAYING for a future. It’s been a long journey for me just to get here, so I know a little of what you may be going through.

And you DO have a future! Why? Because God promised it! The LENGTH of that future I don’t know. What that future looks like, I don’t know. How it will unfold, I don’t know. But I DO know it IS a promise from God.

We just hate that we can’t see beyond today. In Isaiah 55:8 the Living Bible says “This plan of mine is not what you would work out, neither are my thoughts the same as yours!”

As much as we may not like it and as hard as it may be (for both you and me,) we have to TRUST that God has a plan that is awesome and we just can’t see things from His perspective. He’s God and we….. well, we’re not.

We can’t see past the next few seconds of our lives – we just can’t. But God can and He sees way down the road that we can’t begin to see. We can’t see past the car in front of us, while God sees what every inch of the entire journey looks like.

We KNOW He wants the best for us, so this is when FAITH has to kick in. We have to TRUST that He does want the best for us. That he LOVES us. That we have a hope and a future.

When we can just give up our own desire to control our lives, and just admit that we’re all at the mercy of God, and ask Him to walk us through our life, step by step. THAT’S when we’ll be able to have peace. And believe me, PEACE is the goal. That’s what we all want in life. PEACE to know that we’re raising our children right. PEACE that our relationship with our spouse is solid. And PEACE that we’re treating people in the world as they should be treated. It that so hard?

sooner or later decisions have to be made.

If you’re transgender your future can seem to have multiple paths and they all look filled with potholes, steep cliffs and landmines. You may be asking yourself “what am I going to do?” This is when rather that ask yourself, you need to ask our Father, who already knows how your life will play out to give you some peace. You need to find a way to be still and quietly listen for His voice.

We all eventually get to decision points in life. We may decide to NOT make a decision (that in itself is a decision, albeit an easy one) and prolong things until we can make a decision or someone else makes that decision for us – but sooner or later the hard decisions have to be made by someone.

Exodus 14 tells the story of how Israel had left Egypt, but now the Egyptians were chasing after them and getting closer. The people of Israel were frightened and sure they were going to die. If fact they were thinking their lives would be better going back into slavery in Egypt. The Lord told Moses to stretch out his hand over the Red Sea and He would part the waters and give Israel dry ground to cross. Think of the faith it took for the people to walk across what was the bottom of the sea with massive walls of water on either side. I know I’d be worried about those walls of water coming down on me. But the Israelites walked THROUGH, and so can you.

You may feel like your Egyptians are coming and going back to slavery is beginning to look inviting. The Lord can free you and free you for good, but that doesn’t mean you won’t be faced with trials and challenges – sometimes there is no “easy” path out of bondage, but there is a path. And despite the many voices that may be around you, ultimately only you and the Lord can determine that best path.

Talk with Him, LISTEN for Him. Life can be noisy. Be still. Psalm 46:10 says “Be still, and know that I am God.” Find a time and a place where you can do just that. Maybe have some worship music softly play in the background and just tell God your hurts, your concerns. ASK for wisdom, seek His guidance. He won’t abandon you, you are His child. He loves you.

Even when following a big truck in foggy weather, eventually things clear up – and so they will for you. You may not be able to see what’s ahead, but the Creator of the universe has a great view, so trust in Him.

– Blessings

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