When I grew up words like racist or (pick-your-term)phobia weren’t used much. Back in the day we just called it being prejudice. It means pretty much what it sounds like – to prejudge. It’s defined as “an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason.”

We all have our prejudices. One that I have is Brussels sprouts. I don’t like Brussels sprouts. And here’s why……. well actually I don’t know why. I’m not even sure I’ve ever eaten Brussels sprouts. Something maybe about the way they look – I’m not even wild about the name. So how do I KNOW that I don’t like Brussels sprouts? In total honesty I suppose I really don’t. I don’t have knowledge, thought or reason to dislike that horrible little vegetable, but nonetheless I do. Maybe if I actually TRY Brussels sprouts, I might discover that “hey, they’re not so bad after all.” I might actually learn to like and even love Brussels sprouts if I only give them a chance. But to do that I have to get past the fact that I already think I don’t like them.

Experience brings compassion and understanding

Prejudice isn’t in use as much today as it once was because we found words to make it sound more like hate than ignorance. Calling someone a “racist” now implies that that person HATES, and it’s almost an excuse to show hate toward that “racist.” “Phobic” is a term heading that direction. There are so many phobias people can have; to be arachnophobic means you’re afraid of spiders. If you’re acrophobic you’re afraid of heights. If you’re trypanophobic you’re afraid of injections (needles.) But for some reason if you’re “homophobic” or “transphobic” you HATE! And I’m not sure that’s always the case.

Why do we do that? Does is help puff us up if we think we’re a better person than others because we don’t “hate” like those other people hate? I think we’re displaying our own prejudice when we assume someone hates when the truth may be in fact they are just uncomfortable (because they lack knowledge, thought or reason to feel comfortable.)

Gracism is just preconceived grace as opposed to preconceived discomfort

Rather than deciding we don’t like someone (before even meeting them) because they are not like us for whatever reason, what if we decided to like and be kind to people before we even meet them? What if we extended grace to others, the same grace our Lord has shown us? God’s grace for us was there before the world was even created. It says in Ephesians 1:3-6 “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.”

My nephew introduced me to a new term the other day – gracism. I hadn’t heard that word before but I immediately fell in love with it. Gracism is just preconceived grace as opposed to preconceived discomfort or in the extreme, hate. A “gracist” is someone who practices gracism. I WANT TO BE A GRACIST! I want to be a practitioner of preconceived grace!

[UPDATE – 11/7/2107]: I just thought of a term I like even better than “preconceived” grace, how about premeditated grace? It’s not just thought of – it’s INTENTIONAL!

I’ll tell you what though, it’s not like flicking a switch and bam – everything is better. I’ve known people who before knowing I was transgender were totally fine with me, we were friends and all was good. When they found out I was transgender they didn’t know what to think. They knew (or they thought they knew) who I was, but they also had some preconceived ideas about people who are transgender – and they were in conflict with each other. It took time to learn more about me before being able to feel fully comfortable with their transgender friend. But I think it has helped them be open to accepting others who may be transgender.

Don’t let the fear of not knowing someone prevent you from giving experience a chance

There are folks at my church who know I’m transgender and for them it’s still a work in progress. They may be a little unsure of what to think but at the same time are kind and friendly toward me (sometimes you can just tell.) But there are others that never gave it a second thought from the word go and love me just as much as they love anyone else.

Last week I heard a pastor say these words as she described her own journey as a Christian… “Experience brings compassion and understanding.” This is so true! I’ve watched the wheels turn inside people’s heads who have known me for a time only to later learn I’m transgender. You can almost hear the two sides of their brain going back and forth “but, but, but…” as they reconcile what they THOUGHT they knew about people who are transgender and what they DO know about me. It’s a 10-15 second period that is almost fun to watch as their face goes through a wild variety of expressions while processing the information.

We need to be a gracist toward everyone, those folks that we just don’t seem to understand as well as folks whose harsh prejudices are there for all to see (remember that their sin isn’t worse than ours, we just sin differently in the many ways we do.)

Experience DOES bring compassion and understanding. Don’t let our prejudice, our fear of not knowing someone prevent us from giving experience a chance. Let’s force ourselves to break through that fear. We might be surprised to learn that the person we’re thinking they must be is in fact nothing like who they really are. We might even like them! As for me, maybe one day I’ll take my own advice and give Brussels sprouts a chance.

– Blessings

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