UPDATE: This was originally posted on my Facebook page. No more need for a spoiler alert – THIS web site and what may follow is what has been laid on my heart – a ministry to Christians, whether transgender or not ABOUT transgender Christians.
There has been a calling on my heart the last couple of months, God telling me that there is this “thing” he wants me to do. I haven’t been able to talk about it yet ((go to your Old Testament and read about Nehemiah – he couldn’t tell others what it was at first either, even though he KNEW what it was – and NO (spoiler alert!), I’m not building a wall.))
Tonight as I was praying, I was just struck at how unprepared I was for this, how unqualified I am for this. I literally was crying, I asked Him “isn’t there someone else who can take this on? There MUST be somebody else!” And then I heard Him speak loud and clear… He told me “no, there isn’t anybody else, but you’ll do.” I started to laugh – sensing His agreement that I’m NOT ready or qualified. But I was left with no choice but to acknowledge that He had a plan and I was part of it.
Well guess what? Moses was a HORRIBLE spokesperson for God – he stuttered. Abraham was WAY too old to be the father of a nation. The only qualification Lazarus had is that he was DEAD! Yet God still found a way to use these and others in the scriptures.
No, I don’t have a Messiah complex, the LESSON is that God can use us REGARDLESS of our qualifications. We just have to be willing (and I’m not even sure Lazarus had a say in the matter). And yes, willing and scared qualifies as “willing”. The key is being WILLING. The next step is to TRUST. For me, trust has been a HUGE word I’m learning about. In some ways being willing is easy – but trust can be a hard pill to swallow.
Have you ever played that game where all you have to do is stand up straight, fall backwards and let your friends catch you on the way down? You might have said “yes – I’ll do it.” That’s being WILLING. So in that moment when you’re standing there BEFORE you lean backwards – does your heart start to beat just a little faster? Do you maybe clench your fist a little bit? Do you take a REALLY DEEP BREATH? THAT’S the difference between willing and trust. It takes BOTH to make that calling happen.
God has called us all to do something. If only to LOVE one another – but we’re all called. We have to TRUST God that what we’re called to is truly good. We may not even see that good happen in our own lifetime. He didn’t promise YOU would see the fruit of that work, but you have to trust that God knows what He’s doing (seems almost like a silly statement at this point don’t you think?)
As silly as it may seem, you and DEFINITELY I need to be willing to TRUST God if we say we are followers of Jesus. HE LEADS, WE FOLLOW. That’s how it works.