A couple of weeks ago I drove from Austin to Houston (about 3 hours each way) to help an older client with a new computer and with using her cell phone. The trip gave me an opportunity to listen to Brené Brown’s book “Braving the Wilderness” (I’m a big fan of audiobooks, and you can get mine, “God Doesn’t Make Mistakes”, for free if you don’t already have an Audible account, but enough of the commercial). Brené in one chapter talked about the difference between “fitting in” and “belonging”. THIS was what exactly had been on my heart for several days, so though I’ve owned the book for almost a year, it wasn’t an accident that just now I got around to listening to it.

So this is (I’m sorry) another “hello Church, are you listening?” kind of post.

So many in today’s Christian Church (and I admit, I have to speak about the Church in America because I’m not well enough versed about the Church in the rest of the world to include them) seem to think that being transgender is a sin and therefore, anyone who is can’t be FULLY and COMPLETELY part of Christ’s body. But I CAN speak to Christ’s Church here in the United States, because I live here, and I’ve heard, seen and experienced how many who are transgender are treated by Christians who elevate themselves to be speaking on behalf of the Lord Himself.

Well, sadly they’re wrong. They mean well. They are sincere. But they are wrong.

When you feel you have to hide the fact that you’re transgender, you don’t feel like you belong, you’re just trying to fit in.

And you know? I’m not even going to address the Southern Baptist (Convention) and the United Methodist churches which as denominations have made it clear there is no place for us within their churches, and they will continue to preach AGAINST including people, and I mean CHRISTIANS who happen to be transgender, a part of their ministry.

A great church was kicked out of the Southern Baptist Convention because they determined that there are no first class and second class Christians. Anyone, and they mean ANYONE who professes Christ is welcome to be a part of their church. And if they wish to serve, they can serve. If they wish to get married in the church, they get married in the church. If they wish to be on staff or even ordained into ministry, they can be (assuming they’re otherwise qualified of course). Yep, kicked out. Banished. Cast off, all because they couldn’t justify being the judge of who was a “good enough” or the “right kind of” Christian. Professing Christ and having the Holy Spirit within you isn’t enough for some denominations. If fact, if you’re a woman with the title of Pastor next to your name, you can’t get your book into one of the largest Christian bookstores, because they believe women can’t be pastors.

That’s okay, because God is not a Baptist or a Methodist. He’s not a Catholic or a Lutheran nor a Presbyterian. He’s God. We have screwed up what He would want for us in so many ways that we now have thousands of denominations. In America alone there are more than 18 BAPTIST denominations, and other alliances that I KNOW are welcoming of LGBT members, volunteers, staff and even clergy.

But that’s not the point of this post either. I guess it’s time I get around to it.

Many people who are transgender hide who they are, what their life is like or has been in order to “fit in” with their fellow Christians and have a sense of belonging. But the problem is this–fitting in is NOT belonging.

In fact, fitting in is a compromise that not only ISN’T a solution, it’s a path to disaster.

Now, I’m not saying every church is or should be for a fit in every way for every person. Everyone has preferences as to the style and type of worship that appeals to them—that’s understandable. No one particular church or even denomination is going to be everyone’s cup of tea. And you know what? That’s okay. What isn’t okay is when someone likes a church and wants to be a part of that church, but unless they “fit in” by keeping a safe distance emotionally from others, they find it difficult or impossible to really feel like they “belong”.

Being able to walk into a church isn’t belonging.
Being allowed to participate isn’t belonging.
Becoming a member isn’t belonging.
Being able to serve isn’t even belonging.
Being tolerated as long as you don’t rock the boat isn’t belonging.
“All are welcome, but…” isn’t belonging.
“We love everyone, but…” isn’t belonging.
“Be a part of a home group, but…” isn’t belonging.
“Come as often as you want, but…” isn’t belonging.

Pastor George Mason of Wilshire Baptist Church in Dallas, in an article recently published in the Dallas News said “We love you, but… means some of us are the church [emphasis added] and others get to be among us by virtue of our generosity, not on the basis of God’s indiscriminate grace.” And he’s absolutely right. God’s grace IS indiscriminate, we so often unfortunately in our representation, are not.

Now, I don’t expect people within the church or in leadership to read this and say “by golly, she’s right and we’re going to change things starting this Sunday”. The church I referred to at the beginning didn’t suddenly decide to flip a switch. They spent 14 months prayerfully studying the scriptures, consulting authorities on all sides to get as many diverse opinions as possible and presented everything without bias to the congregation for a vote. And the church decided with a 64% majority that no one who calls Christ Lord should be excluded from full privileges as well as equal responsibility in the life of their church. It was a bumpy ride for them at first, but today, EVERYONE is welcome to fully participate in their church—no “buts”. If you join their church, you BELONG! No one is excluded, no one is judged for being different.

You see, the sense of belonging, of being fully accepted and fully loved for the person you ARE can’t happen when you fear rejection, when you fear judgement by the very people you wish to be as open and transparent as they are with you. When you feel you have to hide the fact that you’re transgender, you don’t feel like you belong, you’re just trying to fit in.

If “all are welcome” has exceptions in your world, consider rephrasing your “all are welcome”, or better, reconsider your exceptions.

Bob Goff, in his book “Everybody, Always: Becoming Love in a World Full of Setbacks and Difficult People” talks about how easy it is to love people who are in fact, easy to love—and how good we feel about ourselves for loving others. Be he was avoiding people he didn’t understand, people who were different. He had a good reason… they “creeped” him out. He would always be polite and kind, but one day he realized that for most of his life, he had avoided the people Jesus would have spent time with. Bob says “People who are becoming love see the beauty in others even when their off-putting behavior makes for a pretty weird mask”.

And while being transgender isn’t a “behavior”, some may see it as such, or even “creepy”. And yes, though it is certainly different, unusual and almost impossible for a “normal” person to understand, it doesn’t mean that a transgender person, made in the image of God like everyone else shouldn’t be able to have a true sense of belonging and safety within Christ’s community.

If “all are welcome” has exceptions in your world, consider rephrasing your “all are welcome”, or better, reconsider your exceptions (do I really need to add WWJD at this point?)

Blessings!

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