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How Do We Know This Isn’t YOUR Church?

Listening to the pastor in the video below doesn’t particularly disturb me. There are people who literally HATE other people who are different than them that well, they go off the deep end. I’ve had amazingly hateful and ignorant things written to me by pastors who have never met nor talked to me.

What really bothers me is that 1) these people get traction within the LGBT community, causing an equally hateful response—hence all the vitriol we see in the media and 2) NO ONE in the evangelical community, not even my own church saying the opposite.

One time (I tell the story in my book) I heard a pastor say how “we” need to be open to having gay people (and I’m making the assumption anyone with “LGBT”) come to their church. I was amazed… for only a moment. Until he said so that they could help “those” people see Jesus and change…(the assumption being if you’re LGBT, you CAN’T possibly be a follower of Christ).

I didn’t need to hear more and I walked out. Actually stood up and walked out.

People who are transgender need to publicly hear that they are welcome, PERIOD!
That they don’t need to hide in the shadows.

They don’t have to live in the pain of their secret! The Church in America is failing people while feeling good about what they are doing, within their own “safe spaces” that won’t “offend” members of the church.

Watch a couple of minutes of this video. I’m sure you’ll say “well my church would NEVER say something like that!”, but would your church say the opposite, that people who are transgender and claim Christ as their savior are welcome, PUBLICLY? Or is it a little secret we keep to not offend anyone (other than Christ himself of course).

And you wonder why people who are LGBT don’t want anything to do with your church? Where is the voice IN THE CHURCH against this guy? He was fired as a cop, but is STILL a pastor. Where is the pastor that says “we need to welcome unconditionally ALL who claim Christ, no exceptions”? Is that such a huge ask? Or does this guy really represent Christianity in America today? I’ll grant you the music is a little overly dramatic, but who will be the OTHER voice? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? ( and if you want me to cut you some slack because he didn’t include people who are transgender, go ahead… tell me how he’s okay with people who are transgender and I’ll cut you that slack).

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My Life is Finally Over. I’m Committing Suicide.

Those were the words sent to me in a private message just before noon today. They continued “…the way this world is screwed up and the amount of pain I’m going through its best I finally end it.” And they closed expressing their love.

I have their cell phone number, so I tried to call them, but it went straight to voice-mail.

Read more “My Life is Finally Over. I’m Committing Suicide.” →

I Choose Life!

For those in the predominantly evangelical, conservative Christian area, being pro-life seems like the only respectful choice. The choice to preserve the life, at almost any cost the precious life of the child.

Sadly many of the same people consider being transgender a “choice”. They think I “chose” to transition, that I “chose” to have surgery. Well, to a degree that is correct, but what’s more important and the driving factor of those two decisions, is that I chose LIFE!

Sounds like the stuff movies are made of, and well, yes they’ve made movies out of this.

Because it deals with something that gets to the core of our identity as human beings, having our gender identity (what we know our gender to be) be in conflict with our physical bodies is something that can’t be explained in a way that “normal” folks can understand. I mean, if you’re NOT transgender, imagine waking up tomorrow morning as the same person you are today, BUT your body is now that of the other gender.

Suddenly, your body is male, or suddenly it’s female. Your brain, how you think, everything that makes you you is the same, but now rather that shaving your legs you need to shave your face. You go to pee in the bathroom standing up and realize that won’t work. And now, you have to go out into the world with either boobs or a penis and fit into the world as your body dictates, not as you mind and soul dictate.

Sounds like the stuff movies are made of, and well, yes they’ve made movies out of this. But unlike the movies it doesn’t suddenly happen overnight and it’s not a comedy, it’s something you’ve know about yourself for as long as you can remember, and it can be a horror movie.

Did I WANT to be transgender? No! I don’t think if honestly answered, a single person who is transgender would want to be this way. Who needs that complication in life? Just let me be born with a gender identity that matches my body out of the chute and I’ll make it work as best I can.

Did I WANT to be transgender? No!

But those of us who are transgender ARE born this way, something happens in the womb that affects how the brain develops as hormones are doing their thing and well, sometimes goes wrong.

Now, many in the church want to deny that it can happen. To say that you can be wired as one gender and have the body of the opposite gender for them is to say God has made a mistake, which I find such a simplistically childish response I’m not sure how to have a thoughtful conversation with them (so I wrote the book). To say (by extrapolation) that when we exit the womb, we are perfect, just as God designed in the garden of Eden is of course foolish, and when challenged a skeptic would accept that children are born with all kinds of physical and mental conditions, and wouldn’t blame God for making a mistake. Yet somehow, being born transgender can’t be included among the thousands of things that might not be quite perfect in a newborn. Granted, it’s not always obvious immediately, you can’t tell a newborn is deaf as an example, but it eventually becomes evident. As a personal example, I was born with a form of clinodactyly! Now before you freak out, that means my pinky toe on my right foot crosses over and overlaps on top of the toe next to it. OMG! God made a mistake!

Or did He?

OMG! God made a mistake!

There have been many who have tried to change the “mind” of the person who is transgender, but they’ve failed. There have been therapists, pastors, prayer circles, even places that specialize in “conversion therapy” (that were designed for homosexuals but might as well add transgender people because it’s the same, right?) Today there are a few people who transitioned to living as the opposite sex, even had surgery, and they transitioned back, giving God the credit. But when you look at their story, they weren’t born transgender, they suffered physical or emotional abuse that led them to think they were transgender, or to even change genders as an escape from their current life. And yes, I’m willing to give God credit for getting them back to who they really are—but they were never truly transgender, they weren’t born that way, not wired that way.

People who are born transgender suffer unimaginable torment day and night, especially when they are trying to make life work in the body and gender they appear as, when inside it’s like living a lie every second of your life.

Just this last week I’ve seen CHRISTIANS who are transgender write “My faith is suffering a bit as I grow tired of fending them [family and church] off.” “I honestly don’t know if I’m going to make it through tomorrow alive. Please… pray pray pray! I will need every last ounce of strength God can give me. Thank you all.” “Can’t sleep, have way too much on my mind” (and I know what those things are).

What brings people to this point in their life, are people who say things like this (and in this case, to me—but I have thicker skin, and I didn’t correct any grammar issues)… ““God does not make mistakes in creating us either male or female…whichever Gender that I was born into was through the Divine wisdom of Almighty God….to change that, would be trying to correct “God’s mistakes.”” “This is like saying you can still be a sinner and obtained eternal life.” “Blasphemy!” “All bunch of fools, it’s disgusting to the LORD.” “If God doesn’t make mistakes…then why change to be transgender….l love how God created. us…l don’t have to change my sex..because God doesn’t make mistakes!!!”. “God doesn’t make mistake, transgender is a sin against DIVINITY.” “Let’s not conceal what is not written in the Bible. God created male and female not otherwise. The devil is very manipulative when permitted to do so.”

And here’s my favorite, I’m going to give him his own paragraph: “If you are in Christ you are a new creation old things has passed away don’t became fool you can’t be in Christ if you are still in your old ways ….you Satan’s devices to fool every one homosexuality is not of God remembered Sodom and Gomorrah how God sent fire and brimstone because of homo and lesbianism know your Bible before you preach your dragging souls to hell…shame on you!!!!!”

But I chose life. I was ready to end it all…

But like I said, I have a thick skin (it was a little less thick when my book first came out). The last person’s comments actually tie into what so many of the others think, that being transgender is somehow related to homosexuality and sexual relations—when it has NOTHING to do with that. And from that diving board they go without any basis to being transgender is a sin (and if you really dig, you might find the Bible isn’t so clear about homosexuality either – but that’s not my area of expertise). It’s simply about knowing who you are, and how you need to relate to the world around you 24/7.

But it’s voices like those above all around you, from people you trust, know, love and respect that make you think when all else fails, ending your life is all that’s left, because surely you’re a failure before God and there’s no hope for a life that honors Him.

But I chose life. I was ready to end it all—I didn’t see a way out of my torment (just as today I see it and hear of it from so many other Christians who are transgender.)

I CHOSE LIFE! I loved God and knew He loved me. And that meant making the decision to life as the person I was inside, and TRUST the Lord to somehow make it work, whatever that looked like. When the decision was made, there was NO DOUBT! I felt God’s peace. I KNEW that this was how I was meant to live.

Was it easy? Heck no! But it was necessary if I was to live, and I chose life.

So before you throw scripture at someone who is transgender and struggling, before you tell them they just need more faith, before you tell them they haven’t prayed enough, before you tell them they need to repent, think about all the things that can and does happen to a child in the womb that you never would ask them to have more faith over or repent from—because if this transgender person is alive today, they’ve chosen to be so!

-Blessings

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Conservative or Progressive, You’re a CHRISTIAN (both of you)

I’ll warn you right know, I’m getting on my soapbox (but I’ll be brief for a change) …

You know… I have lots of friends who are Christians. Some would be described as conservative evangelical Christians (with evangelical often being considered a negative term these days) and also many friends who would be considered progressive Christians.

I’m also in several groups in Facebook. Some are more conservative based, who may push back against my message that being transgender isn’t a sin or some mental aberration, and others who are more progressive, that just shrug at my being a transgender Christian and don’t give it a second thought, except they’re in amazed disbelief that I’m conservative.

Not surprisingly in the more conservative groups, I see all kinds of uninformed and hurtful comments about people who are transgender. And in the progressive groups? I hear how they want NOTHING to do with “evangelical” Christians, how they HATE everybody, in fact you would think that evangelical Christians were worse than Hitler if you read what was being posted–there is no greater enemy to this world than evangelical Christians.

The very concept that being transgender is simply about your gender identity, how you’re “wired”, and has NOTHING to do with what you think about politics, religion or anything else just HASN’T occurred to anyone in these camps. WHY do you have to be transgender and progressive? Why can’t you be a totally affirming, conservative evangelical Christian to people who are transgender.?

Y’all have to STOP making this a spiritual, political or religious argument and just accept people for who they are, HOW God created them. You may not understand or like it, but it is how God created me and many others like me, we’re just another one of His kids. We are all different, and just like families, at times we don’t like or get along with our brothers or sisters, but that doesn’t change the fact that we all are brothers and sisters in Christ.

I have friends in both camps who would disagree on many things, but they all would agree on the saving grace of our Lord Christ Jesus, and they are MY friends whom I love, because Jesus loves them too!

So this is me now getting off my little soapbox. At times I feel motivated to use it, this is one of them.

-Blessings

Please click here to “LIKE” my Facebook page, help me reach the Church and Christians who are transgender.

“God Doesn’t Make Mistakes” now available
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The Day My Future Changed

It was this day, June 5th twenty-seven years ago that I stepped into the reality of living a genuine and authentic life, the person I was created to be. It was the day I hit the RESET button, to start over, to finally navigate life while being true to myself and my Lord, in spite of the ramifications from people I love.

Twenty-seven years ago movers in Sacramento arrived to move a guy out of his apartment and to a new home across town. When they were done loading the truck, I told them I had to head into San Francisco, but that my sister would soon meet them at the house. A couple of hours later “Laurie” said hello to the movers, my new neighbors and the world.

Twenty-seven years with never a single doubt or regret. And unlike Lot’s wife, I never looked back! For me, today is better than a birthday. I would have run out of birthdays a long time ago without that June 5th, so forgive me for taking a day just to celebrate life!

Thank you Lord for steering the ship, preventing me from crashing into the rocks along the shore, and keeping me on course!
I’d have no today without you!

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“God Doesn’t Make Mistakes” now available
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What Do We Do With the Rule Breakers?

It’s taken me a while to find a way to articulate what I felt was the issue with many people who have difficulty accepting people who are transgender.

There are a couple of memes that on occasion pop up in my Facebook feed that others have shared. These are my friends who are sharing it so I tend not to take it personal or that they are thinking of me when they share it, but I KNOW that they have been used by others as a (I was about to use the phrase “passive-aggressive”, but there is nothing passive about it) means of communicating one’s displeasure with someone who is transgender. Read more “What Do We Do With the Rule Breakers?” →

Mom and Family

I’ve written about family and holidays before, and yesterday, the day before Mother’s day, I was again filled with the significance of family.

Each year I send my mom either a card or flowers for Mother’s day, and likewise on her birthday. I have her home address and as far as I know it’s still current since I’ve never received a notice that the address is wrong. It’s going on 28 years since I’ve seen my parents and just about that long since we’ve spoken, I’ve written them and they continue to choose silence toward me. The same for my brothers. In fact, for the first 30 years of their lives my two nephews didn’t even know I existed, and we live in the same state (well, one lives now on the other side of the state line in Oklahoma, but I extend grace to him since he grew up in Texas). Read more “Mom and Family” →

Who’s in Charge of the Stonings at Your Church?

A popular verse in the Bible used as a weapon against people in the church who are transgender is Deuteronomy 22:5 “A woman must not wear men’s clothing, nor a man wear women’s clothing, for the Lord your God detests anyone who does this.” (NIV) Another is Genesis 1:27 “…male and female He created them”. Read more “Who’s in Charge of the Stonings at Your Church?” →

Fitting in Vs. Belonging

A couple of weeks ago I drove from Austin to Houston (about 3 hours each way) to help an older client with a new computer and with using her cell phone. The trip gave me an opportunity to listen to Brené Brown’s book “Braving the Wilderness” (I’m a big fan of audiobooks, and you can get mine, “God Doesn’t Make Mistakes”, for free if you don’t already have an Audible account, but enough of the commercial). Brené in one chapter talked about the difference between “fitting in” and “belonging”. THIS was what exactly had been on my heart for several days, so though I’ve owned the book for almost a year, it wasn’t an accident that just now I got around to listening to it. Read more “Fitting in Vs. Belonging” →

We Can Do Better Church!

Eric is transgender. He is also married and having a difficult time making sense of his gender identity, his relationship with God and his relationship with his wife. Knowing of not a single Christian leader anywhere in his area that he could talk to, he reached out to a pastor he discovered in a TED Talk that was on YouTube. As it happens, this is the same pastor who wrote the foreword to my book. The pastor was just leaving on a sabbatical for several weeks, and asked me to reach out to Eric.

Read more “We Can Do Better Church!” →