There are a couple of transgender women that I know who recently sat down with their respective pastors to let them know that they were transgender and would be transitioning. They each belonged to what would be described as “Spirit-filled” churches (though different denominations) and can be assumed to be generally conservative in their theology and look unfavorably toward those who are transgender.

But their two pastors had very different approaches in discussing it for the first time with their congregants.

One pastor and church are with the Assembly of God churches. At the time of the meeting, she had only been known as “he”, but had been a church member for a long time and was known and appreciated both by others in the church as well as the pastor. Having known as long as she could remember that she wasn’t wired as a boy, and following the unfortunate death of her spouse, she could no longer keep within what she has always known, that she was wired as a woman and needed to live as such.

I remember her posting in my Facebook group the day before her meeting with her pastor, asking for prayer, both for her and for her pastor. I gotta tell you I didn’t have a lot of hope that it would go well, and I even cautioned her not to get her hopes up.

she hasn’t been shunned by her community

When the next day came and went without an update, I sent her a message asking “how did your meeting with your pastor go?” I was thinking the silence was probably not a good sign. Much to my surprise, her pastor, having known her for quite a while (though as a man) seemed genuinely interested in what he was being told, how this wasn’t a spur of the moment decision but a lifetime of trying to be who everyone else expected her to be. Her pastor, not really knowing anyone who was transgender and not specifically researching it himself simply said that he knew her heart, wanted to learn more and would walk alongside her as she went through this. Though her life doesn’t parallel mine, she gave him a copy of my book to give him another perspective from a Christian who is transgender. He read and not only found it helpful, he asked that his entire staff read it (I was so happy for her and her pastor I sent them books for the whole staff so they wouldn’t have to pass one copy around). She continues to occasionally meet with him, and now goes to church dressed as her true self. The response from the congregation has mostly been warm and receptive. Some didn’t even recognize her until she explained that they knew her by another name. But she hasn’t been shunned by her community nor told that she needs to “change back”.

Then just a week ago in the same Facebook group, someone who was a member of a Foursquare Church (another conservative, spirit-filled church) posted “I met with the Pastors of my church yesterday to come out, and discuss my gender dysphoria. They were so cold and calculating that I will never step foot on that property again!” Now, she too had been going to her church for many years, and was considered a lay leader. They told her she was being tempted by Satan, that she was entering into sinful activity and found a couple of verses like Genesis 1:27 “male and female He created them” to throw at her. Note… I’ll gladly talk to ANYONE who thinks that verse is a verse that says being transgender is a sin—my contact information is on this site.

When she told them that she would take a hiatus from church so as not to make things uncomfortable for her wife and daughter, they apparently were visibly relieved, as if “thank God we won’t have to deal with this”. Better to see a theological “problem” leave your church rather than have to face it. She visited a different church last Sunday, as her true self, felt FULLY welcomed and is planning on visiting again.

But for some that’s not good enough, I can’t be transgender

The Christian Church today, especially in America is highly concerned with the do’s and don’ts, there is the ONE do, and that’s acknowledge Christ’s sacrifice as atonement for your sinful nature, and then there’s a LONG list of DON’Ts. When I grew up it was Christians don’t swear, don’t drink and don’t smoke.

Today’s church is VERY concerned is seems more with the don’ts rather than the do.

I am a conservative, evangelical Christian saved by the blood of Christ that He shed on the cross as a sacrifice for us all, and He rose again in conquering death that had no hold on Him, that we too who believe and accept His give of salvation will live forever with Him in Heaven.

But for some that’s not good enough, I can’t be transgender—because if I am I apparently am living some kind of sinful life and am bound for Hell and whatever else I believe in faith doesn’t matter.

I’m not some kind of unicorn, that ““well, Laurie we know you and you’re “different” than the others””.

I have a group of 800 people who are transgender and profess Christ as their savior, yet for many of them it’s the only place where they have a sense of community with other Christians, because despite having many churches near them, they can’t find ONE that will welcome them, solely because they are transgender.

My question for you is: Do you go to a church or a country club?

I’m sure “everyone is welcome” at your church, but is there a place for them to fit in? Is there a place for them to find community? Or do they have conform to “the way we’ve always done it” and not be “too different”. Because if that’s the case you’re not being much like Jesus, who hung out with all kinds of folks that no one wanted to. Jesus walked straight through Samaria which most Jews in that day would have avoided, and in doing so encounter a woman and shocker her by speaking to her. By the end of their brief conversation, she realized that she was speaking to the Messiah she knew was coming one day. Even Jesus’ own disciples were surprised He was speaking to a Samaritan woman. Following Christ isn’t supposed to be COMFORTABLE.

And right there you have the image of much of today’s Church. Disciples of Jesus, both pastors and lay people who would ask “why are you even speaking with her?”

Oh, it’s because of one of the “don’ts” you say. Well you may not like the fact that some people are transgender, feel blessed that you don’t have that particular problem your self or in your family. Heck, I see some Christians smoke and I’m momentarily bothered by it, not the smoke (though I am allergic) but the part ingrained in me that says “you can’t be a Christian and smoke” raises up like a reflex before Jesus has a chance to remind me that they are one of His as well. I have the same problem with language when I hear Christians I love and respect use language that I’d be embarrassed and/or ashamed to use—but then I’m reminded (and know) that they too love Christ and serve Him better than I do in so many ways.

Jesus didn’t talk much about the don’ts, mostly He talked about the DO’S.

You don’t need to tolerate Christians who are transgender, you need to fully welcome with arms wide open Christians who are transgender. They are just like you, except they are transgender. They didn’t choose it, they hate that they are transgender (trust me, no one who is truly transgender is happy about it, but it is what it is). We who are transgender are trying to get through life as best as possible, just as you are. What YOU think is best for us is probably wrong, just as if I observed your life I’d probably have recommendations on how you could do life better, but I’d be wrong.

If you have issues with people who are transgender, TALK to a person who is transgender. Don’t run first to your pastor or therapist or friend, none of whom have any direct knowledge of someone who is a Christian, a follower of Christ and transgender.

I have friends, good friends who I think have a theological issue with me being transgender, but we’re friends so we go with that and they NEVER ask me about it, how I reconcile what they see as going against scripture.

If you have a friend who is transgender, talk to them. It IS possible to be transgender and love Jesus at the same time.

How does your church treat people who are transgender? Is the welcome mat open only to become a trap door if they don’t repent and “change back”? Have you DARED to ask your pastor about it? What he would do with a church member who came out as transgender?

Jesus didn’t talk much about the don’ts, mostly He talked about the DO’S. And that included the do’s that might be uncomfortable at first, but that’s how we become more like Jesus to others.

-Blessings

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